My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
