I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
