So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
