Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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