No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
