Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
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