hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
