Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
