those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
