so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize