no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
