So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
