I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I supernannyed him into submission
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
