Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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