so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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