remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Randomize
