I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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