SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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