Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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