just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Dear god my vagina.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize