Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Hippo gnu deer
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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