have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
