also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
why do cheetos always look like penises
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
