is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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