He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize