I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
