their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
