Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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