I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
