I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
