last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
