I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
