So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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