got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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