I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
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