Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
