The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You need a sexual gate keeper
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
