Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
