he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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