Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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