Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
