break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
