i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
