C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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