I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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