Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
