What did I eat last night that was bloody?
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
