My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
