I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
