how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
