I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize