bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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