some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
