im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize