Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You're like the curious george of whores
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
