your parents love me but you hate me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
then he tried to convert me to islam
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
