That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
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