So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
