How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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