What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
