We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
