umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
