Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
