She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just had sex on a roof
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
