Will you blow on my dice?
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
