ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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