Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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