Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
