My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
me + whiskey = a bad person
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
