i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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