I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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