considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
