a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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