Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize