I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
