Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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