If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
