After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
