tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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